For Credits Sake

I am yet to post up all the images etc. of the work I have done, I will do so after the presentation as to not ruin the surprise, as showing what I've done would invariably do that (although once released the newspaper should really act as an exemplar). However for Ross's understanding I am blogging a list of things I have done toward our presentation to date, Wednesday 15th June.

• Read, edited, and revised all the text on our newspaper (Eleanor was also very valuable in this process).
• Critiqued and gave feedback on all work put forward for publication (this was also done extensively by the group during meetings).
• Designed and formatted the entire newspaper (my friend Jonti Griffin deserves a great amount of credit as our external expert with this task, legend). This was by far my most demanding task and I hope it speaks volumes in the final product.
• Wrote the articles which have been accredited to my name in our publication.
• Arranged the forum for others to write letters to the Editor for our publication.
• Organised the logistics of our group, and ensured that our ideas and projects are cohesive and completed by the given deadlines.
• Liased with the design team and print team of The Dominion Post to ensure a successful publication. An essential part of the spirit of our entire project!

I hope this gives you (Ross) a greater understanding of my role in the group, if you need further justification I trust my group to act as referees on my behalf.

Cheers
Tenzin

[Boxes ticked]

Capital Chronicle Marvels at new fad

The super news team: The Capital Chronicle news team (pictured above as 20th century Marvel heroes) pokes fun at the recent youth obsession with the world’s new breed of super humans. From left: Jono Watkins, Nathan Berrett, Niquita Coats-Harrison, Tenzin Heatherbell, Ashley Betts, Eleanor Beeden, Robbie Wigmore.

The surreal physical feats achievable by enhanced athletes these days is bordering on superhuman. The recent Nyx home site Our Super Heroes has caught the world by storm with its displays of extreme physical feats unseen by humans and animals alike. Some of the more outrageous displays were of a French man, Francois Perec, carrying a giraffe over each shoulder (each weighing an approximated 1200kg) across a 400m obstacle course. The most strenuous of the obstacles being a vertical 12m ladder in which Perec had to hold the two giraffes in one hand suspended from the ankle.

Some super humans even strive to directly resemble fictional super heroes; Finnish born Jukka ‘The Hulk’ Saarelma has nearly fully transformed himself to mirror the appearance of fictional Super hero The Incredible Hulk. After multiple surgeries, skin pigmentation alterations and various concoctions of muscle incentives he now stands 7ft. 2 in. (218cm) and weighs an imposing 472kg of vivid green steel and muscle. Apart from his brand endorsement deals for Nike and Marvel comics he has been known to cameo in various films where he of course performs all his own stunts.

Fans of Mr. Saarelma have been known to queue for days awaiting him at public appearances, and applications at many bionic clinics have been on the rise since March last year says Dr. Randall Warren “we’ve been fully booked out for the past 7 months, and we can’t see it letting up anytime soon. The majority of the applications are for biotic limbs, second to that would be muscle incentive treatment. We’ve been creating some really cool stuff here at the Institute”.

Today’s youth by character have been the most susceptible to the hype surrounding these new super humans; with videos on social media sites paralleling in popularity after one month to much more established ‘classic’ YouTube videos. Many parents have raised their concerns about this craze, one stating “it’s a monstrosity that individuals undergo such twisted behaviour, but what’s worse is the fact our government allows this as a mainstream media. Our children are young and not yet able to discern for themselves how not alright this behaviour is.”

We here at Capital Chronicle thought it timely to be super heroes ourselves. Who knows, perhaps one day we’ll have The Flash here, journalist Nathan Berrett, running the Water by Foot race around Wellington harbour in seconds.

For more outrageous physical feats visit www.oursuperheroes.hs.com or to lay a formal complaint please contact the Nyx Standards Authority slander@nsa.co.nz

Moccasin’s for Africa

Caption: Money may not yet grow on trees, but we are now growing shoes on feet.

The Red Cross foundation has funded an innovation of the Harvest leather skin sticker. Teaming up with scientists, the Red Cross has developed a cost effective production method to produce a self-grown pair of footwear for citizens in third world countries. Poverty stricken areas such as Eastern Africa, California and other western areas of the United States can now more adequately shoe their populous.

Statisticians have predicted that by 2045 the whole of California will be once again adequately protected from harmful nuclear fallout that infection their grounds in 2019. Although most of the debris was excavated and successfully removed it appears direct contact with certain areas has adverse effects over extended periods of exposure; and thus the Red Cross have been pushing to make foot wear in the region widely accessible.

Love this one, love it

Dear Editor,

What is it with public toilets in this city?  The council seems to think that the ones on Old Lambton Quay should also serve as a museum.  As far as I'm concerned, if a toilet doesn't perform auto-wiping and polishing functions then it shouldn't be deemed safe for public use.  Don't they realise the health risks, making people wipe themselves?  It’s about time the council actually puts our rate money to good use and upgrades the facilities in what is one of the busiest parts of our city.  Anyone would think we were still in 2011.

Clark Hennessy

The new cover page

Note: The colours are just place fillers which will be adapted to suit the cover image. Also the cover article is just an exemplar. Could you check your name is spelt correctly at the bottom?
Cheers

Our first letter to the Editor

Dear Editor,

This new ion gelatine fuel for our cars are just another example of this government telling us what to do, and it makes me bloody sick. What was wrong with the old lithium batteries we used to use with the electric cars back in the 20's? They were cheaper to run, gave people jobs at the plant in Taranaki and supposedly satisfied these autocratic hippy greenies that somehow were voted in by all those stoned slackers leeching of hard working ordinary Kiwi's! This new policy sums up the government for me, against hard working, working class New Zealanders and serving the bludgeoning Maori stoners and rich lawyers with a 'social conscious' while they put us out of work by taxing us through the teeth for not having the latest $200 gadget to cut carbon omissions. The Green party will continue to incompetently run this country in this arrogant way until we get up and protest this oppression. We need to vote these greenies out as soon as we can, bring on the elections!

Barry Johnston

Capital Chronicle, the Opening

Here is the revised edition, thank you Eleanor and Ashley for your editing help.

Welcome ladies and gentlemen to a time portal, the date is Monday 18th of June 2040, Wellington City, City Gallery. A place distanced greatly by time and space, but where our wants and needs have remained intriguingly similar.

We have travelled through an era of digital immersion; our interaction with others has become more accessible but created distance between us. We have gradually become submerged in a digital realm where sight and sound have become almighty, as we have neglected to utilize our most primitive of senses; touch, smell, and taste.

In 2040, we have reached a turning point. We have realized the value of the diverse sensory experiences available to us. We have begun to re-introduce ourselves to our physical world engaging with all five senses.

We must now recognise that it is still 2011 and the pending digital invasion has not yet forced our senses to grow stale. We can still experience our world physically, and appreciate the subtleties, often taken for granted; like the gentle crinkle of the pages, that mild aroma of fresh print, and the knowledge that what you hold in your hands is undoubtedly there.

Without further ado, take the opportunity to sit down, make yourself comfortable and enjoy this edition of the Capital Chronicle, Wellington City’s newspaper of the future.

Thank you.